1. What are you doing?
2. What are your challenges?
3. What are your successes?
4. Where do you see God?
In the mornings I am helping Irma in the laundry room with outfitting new girls with a set (five days’ worth) of clothing, as well as packing together changes of clothes for all the girls in the morning. It’s a bit chaotic and quite unorganized, but I try to bite my lip and just help out however I can for now. It’s very frustrating and upsetting when the boys don’t have a clean change of clothes to put on after showers on Sunday night, so I am trying to keep an eye out for how this happens and see what I can do to help. Then, I head over to Casa de Niños (3-5 year olds) to play games, read stories, and do activities with them that either I’ve planned or a visiting teacher brings for them. My time there is really enjoyable and I have the freedom to bring my own ideas as well as pick up a few new ones from the teacher at the kindergarten, Ester. An hour later, five of the youngest kids walk over to the guadaria with me for their noontime nap, which has been increasingly easier from week to week and I now have the hang of it enough to go with them alone. It helps that I know many more commands in Spanish, such as “put your shoes on the floor, lay down in your bed to sleep, don’t move, close your eyes, keep quiet,” and “wash your hands and face” (after the nap). Words seem to be quite helpful—especially with proving my authority—in addition to just acting everything out with hand gestures, as I used to do. I also have started using time-outs because earlier I didn’t have anything to do if they didn’t go to bed or wouldn’t stop playing around when I asked. When someone else was there with me at the beginning, the kids seemed to just know her voice more seriously and would do what they were told after a few times. With me, though, that could go on the whole hour. This seems to be helping and even though it’s not the tactic that the teachers use during school, they don’t mind and are content that I found something that works for me and can now take the kids alone. In the afternoons I am still working with Karen’s class of first and second-graders, as well as putting wart medicine on everyone who has them—which is almost everyone, it seems. This is an all-afternoon affair with kids randomly grabbing my arm or digging into my bag for medicine. I have been talking with our afternoon coordinator about starting something more focused with smaller groups of kids in place of the time I spend in Karen’s room with the whole group. I’d like to offer something more personal and fun, rather than try to battle the chaos of Karen’s room that, it appears, only she can tackle alone. For example, we’ve discussed that I could have a few groups of 3-5 kids at a time (at least to start with) for about 20 minutes per day to read stories, do arts and crafts that are difficult to do in a larger group, and play games or maybe go for walks outside La Granja. This is still in the planning process, so I will keep you posted as it evolves. I won’t go into a great deal of detail about my task of anger therapy with a few of the boys here because that, too, is still being worked out.
I would say that one of my main challenges right now is to find a place where I can really offer something that the kids don’t have when I’m not here. This is why I’ve been trying to plan a weekly program full of activities that are fun and that the kids will want to do with me. The hope is that kids will quickly figure out that if they’re not behaving well with me, they will be sent back to the classroom and will be doing what everyone else is doing—with the goal that what I’m doing is special and more fun. I want to offer something that motivates them positively to have good behavior—something besides a threat to do more chores. Another challenge is finding a way to create some kind of rewards system for the kids who are behaving well during the week. (My personal idea has been that I’ll take the kids who’ve behaved well all week to a store near La Granja to choose an ice cream treat. This idea is currently being considered.) I suppose that what is most challenging to me is to work in an environment that I would organize completely differently if the rules were mine to make. It’s difficult to find a balance between being open-minded to the way others do things and to share your education and experiences in order to hopefully make something a little better. I am in the middle of that ethnocentristic battle right now and expect to remain in the position until I leave. My hope, though, is to find a respectful way to share something of what I know in order make an impact that can last a long while after I’ve left.
One area where I have felt some success is that I am getting more comfortable with the older groups of kids here, due in part to my Spanish skills improving slightly. Every little bit helps! I am becoming more confident to just try to say what I can and see if what I’m saying is understood; this can be clearly told by the presence of unmistakable confusion on a child’s face versus the continuation of the conversation. Another part of this experience that is going well is the ordeal of Sunday afternoon check-in. There are a few (maybe around 20) children here who are truly orphaned and have no where to go on the weekends, not even to the house of a relative or friend, as some of the others do. I used to have one of these older kids who lives here every day help me with the check-in process because she knows everyone. However, I am proud to say that I now prefer to welcome all the kids back and check in their cards by myself. Sometimes it’s frustrating because I can’t always understand what they’re saying and not all the kids know which of their four names I am searching for, so they just keep repeating their full name. I am really starting to enjoy these Sunday afternoons, and am still hopeful that someday I will learn all these names!
Seeing God in the patience of one of the sisters here, Maria Del Mar is a constant reminder of who I want to be like and the kindness I want to show the children here. She is here, working, more hours than I could fairly count and yet, never seems to become exhausted of her work or the highs and lows of working with this particular population of children. She is also extremely patient with me (and my Spanish) and works hard to make sure that Luis and I are happy here with the work we are doing. I am thankful for her and can easily see how she is a gift to La Granja Hogar and to my life as well.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Dia de la Independencia
It’s a rainy Monday here in Chihuahua; it’s also the day before Mexican Independence Day and since the kids don’t have school most of them are with relatives. Right now there are about 30 kids here so it is pretty quite and chill right now. This gives me some time to sit and write for a while. I just finished a game of soccer with the kids and man do they love soccer! They are pretty good but more than that they love to talk about how good they are and what skills they have. That, coupled with their vulgarity (Janiene has a hard time catching it), their roughhousing reminds me of my uncles, or at least what my uncles must have been like between 6-16.
Janiene and I keep finding our niche here more every day. The farm life is pretty much the same for now, but shortly they are planning on making some big changes. One of those big changes is getting rid of all the ducks, rabbits, and Cornish hens and increasing the number or chickens. This means getting rid of about 500 animals, mostly Cornish hens (~450) and all their cages. It also means a lot of clean up and removal and installation. On the bright side the nun in charge of the farm said that we might just release the ducks and rabbits on the farm grounds. That would be great because I wouldn’t want to kill the, to quote my friend, “adorable, furry, cute, sweet bunnies.” If you need proof of their cuteness please see the photos, we just put up some new ones of Independence Day celebrations and new animals. Also they want to make the farm, get this, 100% organic, so they can sell products that say so. This means setting up fields for crops and increasing what few ‘crops’ they do have. They are going to use a mineral called zeolite, and with out boring you with the scientific jargon, it is supposed to reduce the soil’s dependency on rainfall and fertilizer. Hope it works. So it seems they will be keeping me busy on that farm for a while.
Our relationships with the kids have also been growing with leaps and bounds. We are more comfortable to jump in on games that they are playing, and sometimes they even seek us out to play with them. They also ask us for help on their homework, mostly English homework. Not all of our time with the kids is great and some of it is pretty testing, and I’m sure some of you parents are saying ‘Well duh!’ But we try to take the good with bad and just really focus on the good. Story time: Last weekend Janiene and I had to put all the little boys to sleep. Sounds easy, right? But as I think Janiene has mentioned we really don’t understand how the consequences work so that’s difficult. Sundays are especially difficult because the kids return from their homes and want to share the stories with their friends and they are running around and goofing off. Finally, and I don’t know how, we got most kids in bed but they were still yapping away so I said if they didn’t quiet down I wouldn’t tell them a bedtime story. This actually worked pretty well, except now I had to come up with a bedtime story. So I did what any self respecting adult would do and told them the story of “The Princess Bride.” It worked, they liked the story line (who doesn’t?) and they went to sleep. I guess that really sums up the dichotomy of my relationship with the children. At times they are the sweetest kids and you feel sorry that this guy from Chicago has to be the one to tell them a bedtime story and at others they drive you mad and you just want to… never mind.
Until next time
Luis
Janiene and I keep finding our niche here more every day. The farm life is pretty much the same for now, but shortly they are planning on making some big changes. One of those big changes is getting rid of all the ducks, rabbits, and Cornish hens and increasing the number or chickens. This means getting rid of about 500 animals, mostly Cornish hens (~450) and all their cages. It also means a lot of clean up and removal and installation. On the bright side the nun in charge of the farm said that we might just release the ducks and rabbits on the farm grounds. That would be great because I wouldn’t want to kill the, to quote my friend, “adorable, furry, cute, sweet bunnies.” If you need proof of their cuteness please see the photos, we just put up some new ones of Independence Day celebrations and new animals. Also they want to make the farm, get this, 100% organic, so they can sell products that say so. This means setting up fields for crops and increasing what few ‘crops’ they do have. They are going to use a mineral called zeolite, and with out boring you with the scientific jargon, it is supposed to reduce the soil’s dependency on rainfall and fertilizer. Hope it works. So it seems they will be keeping me busy on that farm for a while.
Our relationships with the kids have also been growing with leaps and bounds. We are more comfortable to jump in on games that they are playing, and sometimes they even seek us out to play with them. They also ask us for help on their homework, mostly English homework. Not all of our time with the kids is great and some of it is pretty testing, and I’m sure some of you parents are saying ‘Well duh!’ But we try to take the good with bad and just really focus on the good. Story time: Last weekend Janiene and I had to put all the little boys to sleep. Sounds easy, right? But as I think Janiene has mentioned we really don’t understand how the consequences work so that’s difficult. Sundays are especially difficult because the kids return from their homes and want to share the stories with their friends and they are running around and goofing off. Finally, and I don’t know how, we got most kids in bed but they were still yapping away so I said if they didn’t quiet down I wouldn’t tell them a bedtime story. This actually worked pretty well, except now I had to come up with a bedtime story. So I did what any self respecting adult would do and told them the story of “The Princess Bride.” It worked, they liked the story line (who doesn’t?) and they went to sleep. I guess that really sums up the dichotomy of my relationship with the children. At times they are the sweetest kids and you feel sorry that this guy from Chicago has to be the one to tell them a bedtime story and at others they drive you mad and you just want to… never mind.
Until next time
Luis
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Getting the hang of it
Last week one of the kids was “snacking” on a spice shaker full of hot pepper powder. Several other kids were jealously asking for a taste. He had taken the lid off and was pouring it down like I can remember doing with the sugar at the bottom of a Sour Patch Kids bag. (Granted, it’s not too hard to remember from probably only a few months ago.) To each his own, I suppose, but I had to laugh as my eyes were watering at the thought how it would burn my own throat. One can not define the word “candy” while attempting to avoid ethnocentrism at the same time, I suppose.
Some of you have asked me if I have grown accustomed to the food, but really, we’re not eating food like what you’d think of when you imagine the Mexican cuisine. Mostly we are eating a lot of processed meats and high starched, fatty foods that have been donated. Apparently the kids here won’t eat the fresh fruit, so the cooks make it into fruit water drinks. Vegetables don’t go over well either, so they are usually served in some form that leaves a nice shiny glow on your plate when you’ve finished. The other morning the cooks asked me if I had already eaten, and I stuttered for a moment because they were serving beans with hot dog pieces in them and tortillas, and I just didn’t know if I could go for that sort of thing in the morning again, when I’d probably had it in some form the day before. I didn’t want to lie, but she could sense my hesitation and said, “Would you like some yogurt and apples?” Ahh, sigh of relief. I walked out with a full container of peach yogurt and four delicious green apples. Saved. The cooks were told that the Americans like healthy food and therefore, they are happy to offer fresh food to us whenever they can and we in turn are grateful to take it off their hands.
We work Sundays through Thursdays and enjoy Fridays and Saturdays off to get lost on the unmarked bus routes as we head to the market, catch a movie, or enjoy delicious tacos and tamales. I’m thankful to have these days off because some of the kids here at La Granja wait by the fence, sometimes waiting all weekend, for relatives who do not always come to pick them up. I know it must sound a bit selfish that I don’t want to be here to see that and be here for the kids then, but honestly I don’t understand all their situations at home and I don’t know if I should be happy for them or worry about them if someone does come to take them for the weekend. If they are here, I at least know that they are safe. I’m not sure how everything works and what efforts are made to protect the children as far as where they go on the weekends, but since I am not a part of that process I feel that staying out of it—at least currently—is probably best for avoiding becoming overwhelmed and discouraged.
One of the aspects of the environment here that the sisters are trying to change little by little is the issue of rewards and consequences. Punishments are usually in some form of a chore, and they are infrequent, randomly assigned, and often do not match the severity of the particular misbehavior. I also have no real way of enforcing them and am also without rewards for the ones who are following directions or playing in a friendly manner. When Luis and I are trying to get the younger boys to shower and go to bed on Sunday nights, if we ask them to stop running or fighting, what can we do if twenty of them choose not to listen? It’s total chaos, and sometimes it really gets to us when we feel like we are being walked all over by a group of nine year-olds. The voices from those who have been here longer have such a greater impact, so we are hoping that before the year is over, our voices will as well. Poco a poco, the sisters keep telling us. They know this is difficult and that the kids are more than difficult to control, but, little by little is all we can do.
The other day I was putting the youngest kids down for their siesta and thought it would be a good idea to give each one of them a hug when they got into bed, as a way of calming them down and creating some kind of routine. I figure that there’s no way they are getting enough hugs, and this would be something I could offer to them. However, when I tried out my idea, it turned into a game and the girls were hopping out of bed and trying to give hugs to everyone in the room and giggling and laughing and doing everything besides quieting down for a nap. A while later and after several (nearly empty) threats I had everyone settled and in their beds again. I’ve decided to maybe try offering hugs when I am waking each one of them up after naps instead, in an attempt to avoid emotional exhaustion and complete frustration on my part. Some days I am learning more quickly than others.
Last week we met with Maria del Mar, the sister in charge of our work schedules and placements. Luis is going to keep pretty much the same schedule, and I made a couple minor changes. First of all, I’m not going to help the youngest girls with their hair in the mornings anymore because there’s another woman who’s there every day and has them almost finished by the time I was getting there. This is wonderful because my workday starts now at 9:30 instead of 6:30, which is a huge gift if you have ever witnessed my superb early-rising skills. When my day starts at 9:30 now, I’m helping in the laundry room until 11:00. The idea is that I will be taking two girls each day to help them find a few sets of clothing that they like and that fit them well. The women who work in the laundry room typically have to estimate the sizes of the girls for their clothes, and often they’re not a good fit. I have been working a couple of days in the laundry room so far, though, and haven’t been able to start this process, so we’ll see how this goes. A huge perk about the schedule change is that now I’m with the youngest kids for another hour each day and can plan any activities I’d like to do with them. From 11-12:00, the hour before their nap, I’ll be with half of the kids while their teacher, Ester, has the other half. She’s asked me to teach them any songs and games I know, so I’ve been trying to translate anything I can remember. The other day we sang, “Cabeza, hombros, rodillas y pies.” If you can’t figure out what that is, you have a bit of homework to do!
The other day we had a meeting for the after-school program staff. Just as I was about to completely daze out due to mental exhaustion from concentrating on rapid Spanish for so long, Toñita, the coordinator, looked at me and said, “Oh, and Janiene, we have a very special job for you.” Luis (who was starting to day dream as well, but for no excuse that I’d accept) and I both perked up. It looks like my “special job” is going to be some form of anger therapy with two kids in my after-school room who severely need extra attention. It also looks like I am being assigned to this job because of my “experience with children with problems.” Luis assures me that I conveyed my work experience accurately when explaining to one of the nuns about my college degree and one-on-one work with a student with learning disabilities. Somehow, that was translated into my being an outstanding candidate for an anger therapist. Granted, I am thrilled to be offered the challenge because I have really been hoping for an opportunity to take on some responsibility here in order to really make a difference. I don’t mind if I work with two children closely or a hundred in a group. I just want to offer the education I have received and the experiences I’ve had as a member of a loving family and community, somehow, in some way, as gifts to the kids here. I guess this is my chance!
My Aunt Marjorie suggested that I keep a journal with positive experiences with the kids here so that I can look back on them years down the road as well as while I am here and searching, some days, for purpose. I’ll share with you one of my first entries because I think that it may be a rare one with this child. Shortly after leaving the meeting where I was assigned my new job (details to come later when I understand them myself), I saw one of the two kids I’m going to be working with outside on the playground equipment. I decided to catch him in action while he was not upset or causing any trouble, and try to make the first move. I hung around him for a little while, just talking to him and enjoying the fact that he wasn’t sticking his tongue out or making rude faces in my direction, as usual. After a few minutes, a soccer ball appeared from nowhere and somehow, magically, we played together for a solid twenty minutes or so, without interruption or any negative behavior or comments. I can’t explain to you in worlds how exciting it felt to have my first experience with him that wasn’t negative in some way. When it was time for us to all leave the playground and head in for dinner, I even got a high five. My breath stopped for a moment, I’d say. I think I walked away floating just a bit, the slap from his hand still stinging my palm, and “thank you, thank you, thank you” running through my head as I thought about how most of the days to come with him would not leave me with such a light feeling. I will most definitely look back on this day after many of my more difficult days with him, and I will be waiting for his name to be in my journal again soon as a day we shared success.
Thank you all for your prayers and continued support, and until next time, que le vaya bien. Much love, Janiene
Some of you have asked me if I have grown accustomed to the food, but really, we’re not eating food like what you’d think of when you imagine the Mexican cuisine. Mostly we are eating a lot of processed meats and high starched, fatty foods that have been donated. Apparently the kids here won’t eat the fresh fruit, so the cooks make it into fruit water drinks. Vegetables don’t go over well either, so they are usually served in some form that leaves a nice shiny glow on your plate when you’ve finished. The other morning the cooks asked me if I had already eaten, and I stuttered for a moment because they were serving beans with hot dog pieces in them and tortillas, and I just didn’t know if I could go for that sort of thing in the morning again, when I’d probably had it in some form the day before. I didn’t want to lie, but she could sense my hesitation and said, “Would you like some yogurt and apples?” Ahh, sigh of relief. I walked out with a full container of peach yogurt and four delicious green apples. Saved. The cooks were told that the Americans like healthy food and therefore, they are happy to offer fresh food to us whenever they can and we in turn are grateful to take it off their hands.
We work Sundays through Thursdays and enjoy Fridays and Saturdays off to get lost on the unmarked bus routes as we head to the market, catch a movie, or enjoy delicious tacos and tamales. I’m thankful to have these days off because some of the kids here at La Granja wait by the fence, sometimes waiting all weekend, for relatives who do not always come to pick them up. I know it must sound a bit selfish that I don’t want to be here to see that and be here for the kids then, but honestly I don’t understand all their situations at home and I don’t know if I should be happy for them or worry about them if someone does come to take them for the weekend. If they are here, I at least know that they are safe. I’m not sure how everything works and what efforts are made to protect the children as far as where they go on the weekends, but since I am not a part of that process I feel that staying out of it—at least currently—is probably best for avoiding becoming overwhelmed and discouraged.
One of the aspects of the environment here that the sisters are trying to change little by little is the issue of rewards and consequences. Punishments are usually in some form of a chore, and they are infrequent, randomly assigned, and often do not match the severity of the particular misbehavior. I also have no real way of enforcing them and am also without rewards for the ones who are following directions or playing in a friendly manner. When Luis and I are trying to get the younger boys to shower and go to bed on Sunday nights, if we ask them to stop running or fighting, what can we do if twenty of them choose not to listen? It’s total chaos, and sometimes it really gets to us when we feel like we are being walked all over by a group of nine year-olds. The voices from those who have been here longer have such a greater impact, so we are hoping that before the year is over, our voices will as well. Poco a poco, the sisters keep telling us. They know this is difficult and that the kids are more than difficult to control, but, little by little is all we can do.
The other day I was putting the youngest kids down for their siesta and thought it would be a good idea to give each one of them a hug when they got into bed, as a way of calming them down and creating some kind of routine. I figure that there’s no way they are getting enough hugs, and this would be something I could offer to them. However, when I tried out my idea, it turned into a game and the girls were hopping out of bed and trying to give hugs to everyone in the room and giggling and laughing and doing everything besides quieting down for a nap. A while later and after several (nearly empty) threats I had everyone settled and in their beds again. I’ve decided to maybe try offering hugs when I am waking each one of them up after naps instead, in an attempt to avoid emotional exhaustion and complete frustration on my part. Some days I am learning more quickly than others.
Last week we met with Maria del Mar, the sister in charge of our work schedules and placements. Luis is going to keep pretty much the same schedule, and I made a couple minor changes. First of all, I’m not going to help the youngest girls with their hair in the mornings anymore because there’s another woman who’s there every day and has them almost finished by the time I was getting there. This is wonderful because my workday starts now at 9:30 instead of 6:30, which is a huge gift if you have ever witnessed my superb early-rising skills. When my day starts at 9:30 now, I’m helping in the laundry room until 11:00. The idea is that I will be taking two girls each day to help them find a few sets of clothing that they like and that fit them well. The women who work in the laundry room typically have to estimate the sizes of the girls for their clothes, and often they’re not a good fit. I have been working a couple of days in the laundry room so far, though, and haven’t been able to start this process, so we’ll see how this goes. A huge perk about the schedule change is that now I’m with the youngest kids for another hour each day and can plan any activities I’d like to do with them. From 11-12:00, the hour before their nap, I’ll be with half of the kids while their teacher, Ester, has the other half. She’s asked me to teach them any songs and games I know, so I’ve been trying to translate anything I can remember. The other day we sang, “Cabeza, hombros, rodillas y pies.” If you can’t figure out what that is, you have a bit of homework to do!
The other day we had a meeting for the after-school program staff. Just as I was about to completely daze out due to mental exhaustion from concentrating on rapid Spanish for so long, Toñita, the coordinator, looked at me and said, “Oh, and Janiene, we have a very special job for you.” Luis (who was starting to day dream as well, but for no excuse that I’d accept) and I both perked up. It looks like my “special job” is going to be some form of anger therapy with two kids in my after-school room who severely need extra attention. It also looks like I am being assigned to this job because of my “experience with children with problems.” Luis assures me that I conveyed my work experience accurately when explaining to one of the nuns about my college degree and one-on-one work with a student with learning disabilities. Somehow, that was translated into my being an outstanding candidate for an anger therapist. Granted, I am thrilled to be offered the challenge because I have really been hoping for an opportunity to take on some responsibility here in order to really make a difference. I don’t mind if I work with two children closely or a hundred in a group. I just want to offer the education I have received and the experiences I’ve had as a member of a loving family and community, somehow, in some way, as gifts to the kids here. I guess this is my chance!
My Aunt Marjorie suggested that I keep a journal with positive experiences with the kids here so that I can look back on them years down the road as well as while I am here and searching, some days, for purpose. I’ll share with you one of my first entries because I think that it may be a rare one with this child. Shortly after leaving the meeting where I was assigned my new job (details to come later when I understand them myself), I saw one of the two kids I’m going to be working with outside on the playground equipment. I decided to catch him in action while he was not upset or causing any trouble, and try to make the first move. I hung around him for a little while, just talking to him and enjoying the fact that he wasn’t sticking his tongue out or making rude faces in my direction, as usual. After a few minutes, a soccer ball appeared from nowhere and somehow, magically, we played together for a solid twenty minutes or so, without interruption or any negative behavior or comments. I can’t explain to you in worlds how exciting it felt to have my first experience with him that wasn’t negative in some way. When it was time for us to all leave the playground and head in for dinner, I even got a high five. My breath stopped for a moment, I’d say. I think I walked away floating just a bit, the slap from his hand still stinging my palm, and “thank you, thank you, thank you” running through my head as I thought about how most of the days to come with him would not leave me with such a light feeling. I will most definitely look back on this day after many of my more difficult days with him, and I will be waiting for his name to be in my journal again soon as a day we shared success.
Thank you all for your prayers and continued support, and until next time, que le vaya bien. Much love, Janiene
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