Saturday, October 25, 2008
Monthly update
Currently I’m trying to learn all the names of the children. As we mentioned, there are 135 kids here and I have most of their names down but some are still unknown to me. Also, I’m trying to get a better understanding of the kids here. At the moment I am looking after the 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders and they are very well behaved. Some are doing their work, some are playing games, and still others are wondering aimlessly about. We keep hearing some of the kids’ backgrounds and it helps us understand when things happen, like when we see some random acts of violence. But it’s great to see the kids acting just like kids. It’s good to see that here the kids feel and act like normal, rough around the edges, kids, most times.
The challenges don’t seem to be changing. I always get a different response from the kids than when a staff member says the same thing. I am sometimes disconcerted when they ask me to get the kids to do something. Often times they have to do it themselves anyway and I all I get is frustrated. Also I joked with a friend a while ago about keeping money in the bank. And while I believe it necessary to have some savings for when we return, I find that the security forms a barrier. It’s kind of like a bond to the States that doesn’t let me immerse myself completely here in Mexico. I thought it would be easier for me with Mexican roots to feel at home here in Mexico but I constantly find myself feeling too American.
As far as what has gone well, although I get a different response from the children than do the staff, I have been getting better with them. Little things have let me know this. Before when I would walk into a room it was as if nothing had changed. I mean, if the children were misbehaving they would continue to misbehave. But now they at least try to hide whatever they are doing when I walk in. Next week I’m going to be all by myself with the kids so we’ll see how that goes. I hope to become a more solid figure that they can count on and rely in.
We have friends and family that constantly ask what support they can provide and there are the Collette vacationers that bring supplies (school and personal) to the kids. Last week some wealthy ladies from Chihuahua came and had different activities for the kids (see pics on blog). I see God in their understanding that they are blessed and the need to share that blessing. And I see Him in all the others from the community and the world that share with these children.
Luis
The challenges don’t seem to be changing. I always get a different response from the kids than when a staff member says the same thing. I am sometimes disconcerted when they ask me to get the kids to do something. Often times they have to do it themselves anyway and I all I get is frustrated. Also I joked with a friend a while ago about keeping money in the bank. And while I believe it necessary to have some savings for when we return, I find that the security forms a barrier. It’s kind of like a bond to the States that doesn’t let me immerse myself completely here in Mexico. I thought it would be easier for me with Mexican roots to feel at home here in Mexico but I constantly find myself feeling too American.
As far as what has gone well, although I get a different response from the children than do the staff, I have been getting better with them. Little things have let me know this. Before when I would walk into a room it was as if nothing had changed. I mean, if the children were misbehaving they would continue to misbehave. But now they at least try to hide whatever they are doing when I walk in. Next week I’m going to be all by myself with the kids so we’ll see how that goes. I hope to become a more solid figure that they can count on and rely in.
We have friends and family that constantly ask what support they can provide and there are the Collette vacationers that bring supplies (school and personal) to the kids. Last week some wealthy ladies from Chihuahua came and had different activities for the kids (see pics on blog). I see God in their understanding that they are blessed and the need to share that blessing. And I see Him in all the others from the community and the world that share with these children.
Luis
October update
With the chill of mornings and the intense sun in the afternoons, we can definitely feel the transition from Summer to Fall. We are still learning our way around here at La Granja, and I’m thinking will probably continue to do so until we leave. Every day brings different challenges and experiences and I feel as though I will never really have a good grasp of it.
My job in the mornings now is to help Toñita, the person in charge of the afternoon, with whatever she needs. So far this has included organizing supplies and creating booklets with slips for documenting misbehavior and consequences. I just started doing this a couple of weeks ago, and I hope that I will be able to use some of this time in her office to also plan some afternoon activities. The rest of my schedule hasn’t changed. I play with the kindergarten kids for a while before I take the 3 & 4 year-olds to the guardaria for their nap. On Mondays we get to take the kindergarten class to the farm to clean cages and feed the animals, which is really fun to do with them. (Well, it’s a lot of fun for me, but I’m not sure if sometimes we just make Luis’ job take longer!) This cuts nap time a little short, but I have stopped stressing about it and just try to get them settled as quickly as I can so that they can have as much time to sleep as possible before I have to wake them up for lunch.
After lunch I am still with Karen and the 1st and 2nd graders, but I have been trying to bring my own ideas and activities to the class instead of just trying to help Karen out with whatever she is doing. It seems to be more helpful if I lead an activity with a group of kids from the classroom, leaving Karen with a more reasonably sized group. Most of the kids are pretty well behaved when I am leading an activity because they know they’ll be asked to leave the group if they are too disruptive. Basically, it works like this: if what I am doing is new or involves materials that they don’t get to use everyday, the ball is in my court and suddenly my words are “heard” more clearly and my requests are followed much more closely and quickly. I like this system because I can feel like I’m more fun and I’m a better person for them if I’m not frustrated. I am also much more respected as an adult in these situations, which is pretty nice as well.
One of my biggest challenges here is dealing with the realities of the histories of these children. For example, last Sunday night Rosita was telling me that her mom died that weekend. She told me a terrible, detailed story about how her mom had an affair and that her boyfriend had come to their house and killed her mother on the street in front of their home. I asked her to repeat the story and she retold the events in the exact same way. Honestly, I didn’t believe her but I wasn’t sure if I should be more upset about whether the story might be true, or that she was possibly making up a horrific story and calmly explaining it to me, assuring me repeatedly that it had occurred this past weekend. The next morning, I told one of the sisters here, Maria del Mar, everything that Rosita had told me. She explained to me that the entire story was true, all the horrible details. Apparently her mother’s boyfriend had wanted her to leave the family to be with him, and she had decided not to go. He took his revenge. I asked if it had really happened this past weekend. She said no, and that Rosita’s mother was killed four years ago. Rosita had been three. She was standing outside with her mother and witnessed the murder. Rosita has been seeing a counselor, but has just recently begun to talk about the experience.
This story, and the other stories similar to it that most of the children could share, present a number of challenges. When the children are acting like normal, healthy kids I often forget where they have come from. When they are acting as I would expect them to—aggressive, angry, quiet, or upset—I don’t quite know how to handle the situation. Sometimes I feel like they should receive harsh consequences for violent or inappropriate behavior, and then other times I think they should be held tightly in a hug for a long time and not allowed to leave until they express some of their anger through words. I don’t know. Sometimes I wish they wore labels like, “my father’s in jail” or “abused” or “raped” or “left to eat on the streets.” Maybe that sounds horrible, but sometimes I forget and then I let myself get so upset by their behavior, when really, it makes perfect sense.
One of the aspects of life here at La Granja that I feel is going very well is the dedication I see from the sisters and the lay staff members. Sometimes, of course, there are situations that I wish were handled differently. However, many times I later learn more underlying circumstances that allow me to have more respect for the decisions made or actions taken. I have so much faith in the sisters here that they are doing everything possible to make the best life for the kids here, and there isn’t much in me that feels I could do it better myself. I am so incredibly thankful to be working for and with such an amazing group of religious sisters. My relationship with the staff members is going well also, although they do have ideas that differ more slightly. I also feel that my relationship with some of the kids here is stronger and more personal, and I am happy also to see those connections growing. I don’t think my Spanish has been improving recently, but I seem to be getting by and am reasonably understood/can understand enough to keep going. Just keep moving forward, and hopefully this will pick up as well.
I see God here in all the amazing support that La Granja receives from the community. I love it when a group of kids come back from the dentist and they proudly show me their clean teeth or a new filling. I know that they were able to have dental treatment because of a few local dentists who have offered their services at no cost. I love when I arrive at the afterschool program and there’s a group of college students, professionals, moms, or a whole family who came out for the afternoon to bring games or treats to share with the kids. I spoke to one of the families who came a few weeks ago. I noticed that they were extremely well-dressed and had beautiful, well-kept children. The two moms told me that they wanted to come because they have so much to share and want their children to appreciate their lives and know that not everyone has been as fortunate. You just wouldn’t believe how much support La Granja Hogar receives from the people of Chihuahua and elsewhere, and it’s amazing to see all the helping hands. This home is truly blessed with support, and I know that we’re receiving enormous support through prayer as well. Thank you for that, to every one of you who reads these letters.
Con amor, Janiene.
My job in the mornings now is to help Toñita, the person in charge of the afternoon, with whatever she needs. So far this has included organizing supplies and creating booklets with slips for documenting misbehavior and consequences. I just started doing this a couple of weeks ago, and I hope that I will be able to use some of this time in her office to also plan some afternoon activities. The rest of my schedule hasn’t changed. I play with the kindergarten kids for a while before I take the 3 & 4 year-olds to the guardaria for their nap. On Mondays we get to take the kindergarten class to the farm to clean cages and feed the animals, which is really fun to do with them. (Well, it’s a lot of fun for me, but I’m not sure if sometimes we just make Luis’ job take longer!) This cuts nap time a little short, but I have stopped stressing about it and just try to get them settled as quickly as I can so that they can have as much time to sleep as possible before I have to wake them up for lunch.
After lunch I am still with Karen and the 1st and 2nd graders, but I have been trying to bring my own ideas and activities to the class instead of just trying to help Karen out with whatever she is doing. It seems to be more helpful if I lead an activity with a group of kids from the classroom, leaving Karen with a more reasonably sized group. Most of the kids are pretty well behaved when I am leading an activity because they know they’ll be asked to leave the group if they are too disruptive. Basically, it works like this: if what I am doing is new or involves materials that they don’t get to use everyday, the ball is in my court and suddenly my words are “heard” more clearly and my requests are followed much more closely and quickly. I like this system because I can feel like I’m more fun and I’m a better person for them if I’m not frustrated. I am also much more respected as an adult in these situations, which is pretty nice as well.
One of my biggest challenges here is dealing with the realities of the histories of these children. For example, last Sunday night Rosita was telling me that her mom died that weekend. She told me a terrible, detailed story about how her mom had an affair and that her boyfriend had come to their house and killed her mother on the street in front of their home. I asked her to repeat the story and she retold the events in the exact same way. Honestly, I didn’t believe her but I wasn’t sure if I should be more upset about whether the story might be true, or that she was possibly making up a horrific story and calmly explaining it to me, assuring me repeatedly that it had occurred this past weekend. The next morning, I told one of the sisters here, Maria del Mar, everything that Rosita had told me. She explained to me that the entire story was true, all the horrible details. Apparently her mother’s boyfriend had wanted her to leave the family to be with him, and she had decided not to go. He took his revenge. I asked if it had really happened this past weekend. She said no, and that Rosita’s mother was killed four years ago. Rosita had been three. She was standing outside with her mother and witnessed the murder. Rosita has been seeing a counselor, but has just recently begun to talk about the experience.
This story, and the other stories similar to it that most of the children could share, present a number of challenges. When the children are acting like normal, healthy kids I often forget where they have come from. When they are acting as I would expect them to—aggressive, angry, quiet, or upset—I don’t quite know how to handle the situation. Sometimes I feel like they should receive harsh consequences for violent or inappropriate behavior, and then other times I think they should be held tightly in a hug for a long time and not allowed to leave until they express some of their anger through words. I don’t know. Sometimes I wish they wore labels like, “my father’s in jail” or “abused” or “raped” or “left to eat on the streets.” Maybe that sounds horrible, but sometimes I forget and then I let myself get so upset by their behavior, when really, it makes perfect sense.
One of the aspects of life here at La Granja that I feel is going very well is the dedication I see from the sisters and the lay staff members. Sometimes, of course, there are situations that I wish were handled differently. However, many times I later learn more underlying circumstances that allow me to have more respect for the decisions made or actions taken. I have so much faith in the sisters here that they are doing everything possible to make the best life for the kids here, and there isn’t much in me that feels I could do it better myself. I am so incredibly thankful to be working for and with such an amazing group of religious sisters. My relationship with the staff members is going well also, although they do have ideas that differ more slightly. I also feel that my relationship with some of the kids here is stronger and more personal, and I am happy also to see those connections growing. I don’t think my Spanish has been improving recently, but I seem to be getting by and am reasonably understood/can understand enough to keep going. Just keep moving forward, and hopefully this will pick up as well.
I see God here in all the amazing support that La Granja receives from the community. I love it when a group of kids come back from the dentist and they proudly show me their clean teeth or a new filling. I know that they were able to have dental treatment because of a few local dentists who have offered their services at no cost. I love when I arrive at the afterschool program and there’s a group of college students, professionals, moms, or a whole family who came out for the afternoon to bring games or treats to share with the kids. I spoke to one of the families who came a few weeks ago. I noticed that they were extremely well-dressed and had beautiful, well-kept children. The two moms told me that they wanted to come because they have so much to share and want their children to appreciate their lives and know that not everyone has been as fortunate. You just wouldn’t believe how much support La Granja Hogar receives from the people of Chihuahua and elsewhere, and it’s amazing to see all the helping hands. This home is truly blessed with support, and I know that we’re receiving enormous support through prayer as well. Thank you for that, to every one of you who reads these letters.
Con amor, Janiene.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
From the notes in my memo pad
“And your boyfriend?” is a question that I am asked I’d say about once a week, and Luis receives inquiries about his girlfriend as well. Sometimes the question is asked by mistake, just a child forgetting that Luis is my husband and truly wondering where he is if they don’t see him with me. Many other times, though, we are asked even while we’re together, or when we’re already talking about each other with a child. We had a meeting last week with Maria del Mar, the sister here who is in charge of everything related to our specific jobs. She was explaining to us in more detail about one of the most important aspects of our job here—to provide the children with an example of a loving and respectful married couple who are faithful to each other. I know I have mentioned this on our blog earlier, but sitting there in the office, listening to the stories about some of the home situations these children have come from really seemed to sink in this time. Many of the kids here have parents who are openly “with” people other than their spouse, and I can tell you from checking the kids in on Sundays and seeing their name cards, that a good portion of these siblings have different last names. [There are also countless stories of kids who were abandoned or removed from their home as a result of drugs, violence, alcoholism, poverty, or health problems. I seem to repeatedly forget all of this when I allow myself to get really frustrated here.] The commitment that Luis and I were fortunate to have experienced in our own families growing up is not common among Raramuri families, those who come from the Sierras. Most of our kids here are Raramuri. This gives me a great sense of responsibility as we are the only married couple working here at La Granja, and we live here, so there isn’t really much room to hide. She also spoke with us about how important it is to just be with the kids. I was told the same when we first got here, but I didn’t really understand what that meant. On Sunday nights, our most difficult nights, what is really needed from us is to sit with the kids and chat. Chat! I couldn’t believe it because despite my somewhat un-amazing Spanish skills, this is something I can do. Getting forty or so wound-up little boys to shower, put their dirty clothes away, stop fighting with the sheets as weapons, and go to bed has not particularly been one of my best skills, and I usually leave their dorm feeling mean and horrible and just everything but sweet, warm, and welcoming. Maria del Mar said she’s going to try to make sure that we aren’t solely responsible for a dorm so that we can walk around and talk with the kids and just try to ask about their weekends, how they are doing, and provide a bit of the warmth that they need as they transition back into life at La Granja after a weekend that may or may not have been a positive experience for them. This, hopefully, I can do.
If you check out our pictures (link to the right on this webpage) in the album dated 10.6.08, you will see a bunch of pictures from one of the mornings that we took the youngest kids from the kindergarten over to the farm to help Raul. They were thrilled to help, as you can see in their faces. One of the reasons the farm is here is to provide an opportunity to teach the kids here how to care for life. It’s amazing to see how excited they are to see the animals and with what great care they show them when they are holding brand new baby chicks, for example. One of my most challenging students in the afternoon in the first and second grade room is Salvador. The first week that I did check-in on a Sunday I had to leave the desk for a while to go back to the house and change my clothes. I had blood on my shirt and jeans and was still shaking from breaking up a fight in which I’d had to use all my force to hold down a bloody-nosed Salvador. It was pretty freaky for me and when I was finally alone in the house to calm down, I realized just how upset and terrified I was. I had never seen a fight with blood between kids that young—thank you Villa Grove Elementary. The point of this is that Salvador was a real challenge for his first few weeks, new to La Granja, and I had no clue what to do with him or how to handle his aggression. Now, though, I am happy to say I have only witnessed one outburst in the last month. What has changed? He has a deal. He and Karen (who is in charge of his classroom) agreed that he can help Raul at the farm every day after he finishes his homework, if Raul is there and invites him to help (which is pretty much every day, thankfully). It’s amazing. From what I have seen, Salvador takes pride in working on the farm and his time there allows him to get rid of energy in a positive way, as well as spend time with an outstanding adult male role model. If we didn’t have the farm, I don’t even want to imagine what every day would be like with Salvador in our classroom.
In overall news, things are going pretty well for us here. Sometimes I get frustrated because I don’t feel like I am doing enough with my time here, but change is slow and I try to just keep thinking of ideas here and there and hope that my presence is enough to make an impact. We are enjoying the transition into fall weather with cooler mornings and continued sunshine. I receive a lot of warning about how cold winter will be, but it’s difficult for me to really understand between all the differences due to using the Celsius scale to measure exact temperature in addition to the different way cold will feel here in buildings without central heat and few portable heaters. We’ll just have to wait and see.
For now, though, I hope that you are all healthy and happy. Enjoy pumpkin carving season and the annoyance of Christmas decorations already flooding store aisles. Rest assured, they are here as well. We aren’t as far as you may think.
Love, Janiene
If you check out our pictures (link to the right on this webpage) in the album dated 10.6.08, you will see a bunch of pictures from one of the mornings that we took the youngest kids from the kindergarten over to the farm to help Raul. They were thrilled to help, as you can see in their faces. One of the reasons the farm is here is to provide an opportunity to teach the kids here how to care for life. It’s amazing to see how excited they are to see the animals and with what great care they show them when they are holding brand new baby chicks, for example. One of my most challenging students in the afternoon in the first and second grade room is Salvador. The first week that I did check-in on a Sunday I had to leave the desk for a while to go back to the house and change my clothes. I had blood on my shirt and jeans and was still shaking from breaking up a fight in which I’d had to use all my force to hold down a bloody-nosed Salvador. It was pretty freaky for me and when I was finally alone in the house to calm down, I realized just how upset and terrified I was. I had never seen a fight with blood between kids that young—thank you Villa Grove Elementary. The point of this is that Salvador was a real challenge for his first few weeks, new to La Granja, and I had no clue what to do with him or how to handle his aggression. Now, though, I am happy to say I have only witnessed one outburst in the last month. What has changed? He has a deal. He and Karen (who is in charge of his classroom) agreed that he can help Raul at the farm every day after he finishes his homework, if Raul is there and invites him to help (which is pretty much every day, thankfully). It’s amazing. From what I have seen, Salvador takes pride in working on the farm and his time there allows him to get rid of energy in a positive way, as well as spend time with an outstanding adult male role model. If we didn’t have the farm, I don’t even want to imagine what every day would be like with Salvador in our classroom.
In overall news, things are going pretty well for us here. Sometimes I get frustrated because I don’t feel like I am doing enough with my time here, but change is slow and I try to just keep thinking of ideas here and there and hope that my presence is enough to make an impact. We are enjoying the transition into fall weather with cooler mornings and continued sunshine. I receive a lot of warning about how cold winter will be, but it’s difficult for me to really understand between all the differences due to using the Celsius scale to measure exact temperature in addition to the different way cold will feel here in buildings without central heat and few portable heaters. We’ll just have to wait and see.
For now, though, I hope that you are all healthy and happy. Enjoy pumpkin carving season and the annoyance of Christmas decorations already flooding store aisles. Rest assured, they are here as well. We aren’t as far as you may think.
Love, Janiene
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Oiga, si oigo
Oiga means something like listen but it is also how the kids address us and pretty much everyone else.
It’s half way through October, time seems to be flying. Some weekends I look back and the week seemed like a blur. Janiene and I have been here a little over two months and are pretty much in the swing of things in some stuff and still a little lost in others. Everything on the farm is still pretty much the same, except it’s about to be pecan picking season. We have a pecan tree outside our house and if the wind is blowing at night we’re woken to the sound of pecans pelting our roof and windows. In the afternoons, when we are with the kids, Janiene has thought of some fun activities to do with the kids. I pretty much float around, either playing with the kids or helping with homework (mostly English). The afternoons have been pretty calm lately; the kids are taken in groups to be fitted for winter coats (bummer, actual winter weather) and the rest busy themselves with playing or trying to get pecans to snack on. Sundays are still our toughest days with Janiene checking kids in and me outside and in charge of dinner.
The dinner thing is still a little new so I was a little lost on my first attempt. This past weekend the kids didn’t want to line up or settle down for prayer, which could have led me to losing my cool. Luckily one of the older boys, older being 12-14 yrs. old, helped me get the kids in line and settled down for prayer. He also volunteered to help with the clean up, all around he made the whole thing go more smoothly, he then snuck out with a bag of cereal… ah well. I’m still working on getting to a position where I don’t have to lean on a 14 year old to help me do my job. We’re also helping out with these groups of tourists that come from an agency called Collette Vacations. It’s this kind of conscious minded organization that incorporates social justice into their vacation packages. Currently they are helping supply the kids with dressers which the nuns believe will help instill a deeper sense of identity and self esteem in the kids. Currently everything is shared here and the kids really don’t have any personal space. Working with Collette vacations has been great as in doing so we have been able to learn more of the back stories of the children. One of the past Granja students is now at a university studying phys. ed. and works weekends here. This, I believe, is the ultimate goal of this institution to produce valuable members of society of good conscience. If you want the actual mission statement of La Granja I will forward it upon request. At the moment Janiene and I are working on a trip to the Sierras, pictures to come… hopefully. For this weekend we have a quinceañera (catilian for all those that don’t habla español) and trip to these rock outcrops in the hills behind La Granja that look like these ancient pillars of some ruined temple.
Peace
It’s half way through October, time seems to be flying. Some weekends I look back and the week seemed like a blur. Janiene and I have been here a little over two months and are pretty much in the swing of things in some stuff and still a little lost in others. Everything on the farm is still pretty much the same, except it’s about to be pecan picking season. We have a pecan tree outside our house and if the wind is blowing at night we’re woken to the sound of pecans pelting our roof and windows. In the afternoons, when we are with the kids, Janiene has thought of some fun activities to do with the kids. I pretty much float around, either playing with the kids or helping with homework (mostly English). The afternoons have been pretty calm lately; the kids are taken in groups to be fitted for winter coats (bummer, actual winter weather) and the rest busy themselves with playing or trying to get pecans to snack on. Sundays are still our toughest days with Janiene checking kids in and me outside and in charge of dinner.
The dinner thing is still a little new so I was a little lost on my first attempt. This past weekend the kids didn’t want to line up or settle down for prayer, which could have led me to losing my cool. Luckily one of the older boys, older being 12-14 yrs. old, helped me get the kids in line and settled down for prayer. He also volunteered to help with the clean up, all around he made the whole thing go more smoothly, he then snuck out with a bag of cereal… ah well. I’m still working on getting to a position where I don’t have to lean on a 14 year old to help me do my job. We’re also helping out with these groups of tourists that come from an agency called Collette Vacations. It’s this kind of conscious minded organization that incorporates social justice into their vacation packages. Currently they are helping supply the kids with dressers which the nuns believe will help instill a deeper sense of identity and self esteem in the kids. Currently everything is shared here and the kids really don’t have any personal space. Working with Collette vacations has been great as in doing so we have been able to learn more of the back stories of the children. One of the past Granja students is now at a university studying phys. ed. and works weekends here. This, I believe, is the ultimate goal of this institution to produce valuable members of society of good conscience. If you want the actual mission statement of La Granja I will forward it upon request. At the moment Janiene and I are working on a trip to the Sierras, pictures to come… hopefully. For this weekend we have a quinceañera (catilian for all those that don’t habla español) and trip to these rock outcrops in the hills behind La Granja that look like these ancient pillars of some ruined temple.
Peace
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