October update

With the chill of mornings and the intense sun in the afternoons, we can definitely feel the transition from Summer to Fall. We are still learning our way around here at La Granja, and I’m thinking will probably continue to do so until we leave. Every day brings different challenges and experiences and I feel as though I will never really have a good grasp of it.

My job in the mornings now is to help Toñita, the person in charge of the afternoon, with whatever she needs. So far this has included organizing supplies and creating booklets with slips for documenting misbehavior and consequences. I just started doing this a couple of weeks ago, and I hope that I will be able to use some of this time in her office to also plan some afternoon activities. The rest of my schedule hasn’t changed. I play with the kindergarten kids for a while before I take the 3 & 4 year-olds to the guardaria for their nap. On Mondays we get to take the kindergarten class to the farm to clean cages and feed the animals, which is really fun to do with them. (Well, it’s a lot of fun for me, but I’m not sure if sometimes we just make Luis’ job take longer!) This cuts nap time a little short, but I have stopped stressing about it and just try to get them settled as quickly as I can so that they can have as much time to sleep as possible before I have to wake them up for lunch.

After lunch I am still with Karen and the 1st and 2nd graders, but I have been trying to bring my own ideas and activities to the class instead of just trying to help Karen out with whatever she is doing. It seems to be more helpful if I lead an activity with a group of kids from the classroom, leaving Karen with a more reasonably sized group. Most of the kids are pretty well behaved when I am leading an activity because they know they’ll be asked to leave the group if they are too disruptive. Basically, it works like this: if what I am doing is new or involves materials that they don’t get to use everyday, the ball is in my court and suddenly my words are “heard” more clearly and my requests are followed much more closely and quickly. I like this system because I can feel like I’m more fun and I’m a better person for them if I’m not frustrated. I am also much more respected as an adult in these situations, which is pretty nice as well.

One of my biggest challenges here is dealing with the realities of the histories of these children. For example, last Sunday night Rosita was telling me that her mom died that weekend. She told me a terrible, detailed story about how her mom had an affair and that her boyfriend had come to their house and killed her mother on the street in front of their home. I asked her to repeat the story and she retold the events in the exact same way. Honestly, I didn’t believe her but I wasn’t sure if I should be more upset about whether the story might be true, or that she was possibly making up a horrific story and calmly explaining it to me, assuring me repeatedly that it had occurred this past weekend. The next morning, I told one of the sisters here, Maria del Mar, everything that Rosita had told me. She explained to me that the entire story was true, all the horrible details. Apparently her mother’s boyfriend had wanted her to leave the family to be with him, and she had decided not to go. He took his revenge. I asked if it had really happened this past weekend. She said no, and that Rosita’s mother was killed four years ago. Rosita had been three. She was standing outside with her mother and witnessed the murder. Rosita has been seeing a counselor, but has just recently begun to talk about the experience.
This story, and the other stories similar to it that most of the children could share, present a number of challenges. When the children are acting like normal, healthy kids I often forget where they have come from. When they are acting as I would expect them to—aggressive, angry, quiet, or upset—I don’t quite know how to handle the situation. Sometimes I feel like they should receive harsh consequences for violent or inappropriate behavior, and then other times I think they should be held tightly in a hug for a long time and not allowed to leave until they express some of their anger through words. I don’t know. Sometimes I wish they wore labels like, “my father’s in jail” or “abused” or “raped” or “left to eat on the streets.” Maybe that sounds horrible, but sometimes I forget and then I let myself get so upset by their behavior, when really, it makes perfect sense.

One of the aspects of life here at La Granja that I feel is going very well is the dedication I see from the sisters and the lay staff members. Sometimes, of course, there are situations that I wish were handled differently. However, many times I later learn more underlying circumstances that allow me to have more respect for the decisions made or actions taken. I have so much faith in the sisters here that they are doing everything possible to make the best life for the kids here, and there isn’t much in me that feels I could do it better myself. I am so incredibly thankful to be working for and with such an amazing group of religious sisters. My relationship with the staff members is going well also, although they do have ideas that differ more slightly. I also feel that my relationship with some of the kids here is stronger and more personal, and I am happy also to see those connections growing. I don’t think my Spanish has been improving recently, but I seem to be getting by and am reasonably understood/can understand enough to keep going. Just keep moving forward, and hopefully this will pick up as well.

I see God here in all the amazing support that La Granja receives from the community. I love it when a group of kids come back from the dentist and they proudly show me their clean teeth or a new filling. I know that they were able to have dental treatment because of a few local dentists who have offered their services at no cost. I love when I arrive at the afterschool program and there’s a group of college students, professionals, moms, or a whole family who came out for the afternoon to bring games or treats to share with the kids. I spoke to one of the families who came a few weeks ago. I noticed that they were extremely well-dressed and had beautiful, well-kept children. The two moms told me that they wanted to come because they have so much to share and want their children to appreciate their lives and know that not everyone has been as fortunate. You just wouldn’t believe how much support La Granja Hogar receives from the people of Chihuahua and elsewhere, and it’s amazing to see all the helping hands. This home is truly blessed with support, and I know that we’re receiving enormous support through prayer as well. Thank you for that, to every one of you who reads these letters.

Con amor, Janiene.